A foggy future well mapped oot

By Moan McVulpine on Apr  17 – in the bath

IMAGINE IF the Economist, or any other English magazine, had published a column by an MSP called Joan McAlpine, and proceeded to systematically denigrate non ‘right thinking’ people as Anti-Scottish.

Nothing worthy of note or interest would happen.

Last week, Glasgow-based Hun-wing comic, The Daily Record, featured Joan McAlpine as someone with a credible opinion in their columns.

If they’d done this with any other implausible politician, it would have caused a diplomatic stooshie.

But, when The Daily Record came out, I was in the bath with three other MSPs – the Indpendent Jihadist Abu Qatada , Nae-Respect Fir-Hissel’s Job Galloway and Fantasy Dreamboat Eyelasher Humza Yumza.

Not one of them would condemn this column. I like to be condemned because it makes me feel like a naughty girl – especially when I’m in hot water so to speak.

I prefer the alternative column by a mystery internet anti-Scottish hate blinded idiot going by the name of Longshanker.

Called Scotchland’s Intolerantly Foxy Xenophobe it pastiches the Daily Record column and attempts to satirise that which is beyond parody.

Scotland is a cranky wee country thanks to unlimited methadone, surplus Buckfast, world leading sectarianism and oor plentiful supply of the wet unpleasant stuff – Cybernats.

Even the Daily Record’s ither columns agree we are the most fractious in-fighters in the rUK outside of the Old Infirm party.

We have weathered the dullness of the Independence consultations worse than the rest of the UK and it’s beginning to show.

The latest figures highlight that the SNP’s potential for in-fighting was directly proportional to the number of long standing manifesto pledges it dropped, abandoned or simply chose to forget aboot.

So luk oot. This deficit of internal debate is aboot to turn intae a surplus – and we huvnae even reached the outcome of the neverendum consultation yet.

The rigid draconian discipline imposed on the Party by Sun King Alex of Salmond might jist stert to unravel if treacherous dummy spitting rabble rousers like Jimbob Sillars get their way.

The Scotland’s Independent Woman column, like most independence whinging, is classic pishtalk tinkling on the cheeny urinal of political sewage.

So why are Sun King Salmond, Auld Nick Sturgeon and er, whoever, so keen to drop everything that makes the SNP different from the Unholy Alliance of Unionista parties?

We could be payin a high price if we keep trustin the integrity of the SNP.

It could mean a Murdoch dominated press, takin part in wars cos we huv tae dae whit we’re telt, and bowin to auld Queenie and her dumplin offspring.

So nae chinge there then. Jist like wi’ every ither dumb ego driven politicians on the make.

COMEDY RELIEF

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