Scottish manufactured outrage sees 1320% increase since Declaration of Skintland

Wee cranky Cybernats show embarrassingly poor grasp of humour as Economist chooses to play ‘cat among the pigeons’ card on slow news month.

The Economist cover effortlessly proves that the Scots are a race of people who don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it.

By Weepooran Stupit-Cybernat

SUN KING Alex of Salmond has substantially increased manufactured outrage output by approximately 1320% since the publishing of the Declaration of Skintland by Unionist forces of oppression magazine, the Economist.

The latest ruse by the Economist to boost circulation figures at the expense of humourless dour Scots, has been hailed by ‘freethinking’ Scotchmen, and everyone else, as a “richt guid laff” and an obvious success given the subsequent media coverage.

Firstminster Salmond, for the first time in a long time, has had the smug patronising sneer wiped clean aff his coupon and noo he’s greetin crocodile tears to the radio.

He said: “Ah’m goin tae see mah pal Goebbels Murdoch tae sort they guys oot, they shall rue the day.

“Dae they no realise that it’s mah job to patronise the Scots, they’re tryin to muscle in on mah territory. So they’re gettin it.”

Researchers at Stirling University reinforced the ‘storm in a Bute Hoose teacup’ theory with subsidiary findings from their recent report into Gauleiter Mike Bernhard Rust-ell.

Dr Markthe Priesty and Sara Polominty of the Re-Education department said: “Although studying people’s sense of humor may seem like a trivial pursuit, it has important implications for social, economic and political health.

“Laughter, smiling and optimism are linked to better overall health.

“Getting certain types of jokes requires important social skills which can be impaired in conditions like Scottish Nationalism and indpendenceophrenia.”

Dr Priesty further explained that present indications from the incumbent SNP government pointed to a thoroughly joyless time ahead should independence be achieved.

He said: “No smoking, no drinking and no free thinking could lead to the stereotype of the dour Scot becoming compulsory.

“Sometimes we just need a reminder to take everything – especially ourselves – less seriously.”


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