Bradford style tartan jihad set to overwhelm Red Millibean

Who’s defeat is this? It’s a wipeout baby. Who’s wipeout is this? It’s Red’s. Who’s Red? Red’s dead baby. Red’s dead.” – Ed Bigballs & Yvette Croupier

Despair and encouragement in equal measure. Millibean suffers mortal election wound while Sun King Alex of Salmond sees endorsement for younger people's votes.

By Vic Tory-Ishis

LABOURING LEADER Red Millibean suffered mortal collateral damage today from his failed Bradford by-election mission aimed at pacifying the alienated youth of the nation.

The Bradford victory was proclaimed by Gorgeous Job Galloway, the Nae-Respect fer hi’sel leader, as the most sensational result in by-election history since the Battle of Hattin and the capture of Jerusalem.

Butchers, bakers and candlestick makers were all caught out by the scale of the result which was a surprise to no one but them.

Labouring propagandists and embedded media parrots attempted to maintain the status quo by smearing Gorgeous Job with the reactionary terrorist Jihadi muslim sympathiser label.

Such asides though were effortlessly swatted away by the feline fabulist when he pointed to their blatant updated versions of newspeak where ‘mission is occupation’, ‘war is peace’ and ‘BBC broadcasting is truth’.

The message, other than that there are no bounds a shameless self-publicist will not go to in order to get re-elected, is clear to all the parties forming the Unholy Alliance – ‘your message is so keach that shameless charlatans can mercilessly upbraid you and give you a public bleaching.

Gorgeous Job gloated: “MR MILLIBEAN! The game is up. You and your Westminster cronies huv been fun oot. The tri-buttocked arse has been well and truly skelped. Skelped to the pint that it’s rid raw. Except yer no even rid ony mare.

“Labouring party, my appeal to you is, please provide a position for me to rejoin you. Ahm fed up o’ huvin to eat Halalallaheuia meat when ah cannae wash it doon wi’ a whisky. Consider yersels telt.”

SNP spokesperson, Wee Naebudy said: “This is an awfy encouragin’ result fir us. Did ye see how muny disaffected young yins voted for that eejit? If they can vote for him, they can vote fir us.

“We need young folks votes like Gorgeous Job needs a bowl a mulk. Come the 700th anniversary, it’ll be Alba Spring tartan jihad on the forces of the Unholy alliance richt enough.”

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