Cash for access? We’re much cheaper than the Tories boasts SNP leadership

SNP Heid honchos reinforce claims that access to the upper echelon of Scottish government is less expensive and more flexible than the Unionist Tory version.

All in it together. Political parties stand united behind their shameless versions of cash for access fund raising.

By Sleazie Munny

SUN KING Alex of Salmond has denounced the Conservative party leadership for exortionate overcharging of privileged access dining rates.

He joked that, Access Comptroller, Peter Crudearse’s pricing scales, starting at £250,000 for a Prime Ministerial dinner were “far too big and expensive” compared to the Scottish version.

Referring to the SNPs highly successful ‘lunchgate’ auctions which the Firstminster and his deputy recently attended at the Kabana restaurant in Glasgow, he countered: “Our dinners are on a smaller, more devolved, scale.

“We offer the flexibility of lunch or dinner depending on the price.

“We don’t insist on a reserve and we’re willing to discount for tea and caramel wafers.”

The attack on the unofficial Tory access policy has led to apologist handwringing on an unprecedented scale in political circles.

Angus Robbers-Son, SNP Westminster leader said: “We want to be seen doing sleaze just as well as the big boy Unionist parties.
“Our auctions for access system may not be on the same scale, but they’re every bit as shameful in principle.
“The electorate are fully entitled to make their own mind up on that.”

Labouring leader Red Millibean said that the Labourious Party concentrated its access fund raising on handing out honours, or advertising privileges, to close rich friends and that this had been provisionally suspended due
to a temporary lack of power and influence.

But he couldn’t resist a sideswipe at Sun King, Alex of Salmond.

He said: “Isn’t this just like the Subsidy Jockies; too wee, too poor and too stupid even to get their cash for access right.
“They need to raise their game if they want to be seen as being fully committed to shamelessness and hypocricy.”

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Filed under Media, Morality, Newspeak

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