Independence will lead to blanket immigration says Cruella Dis May

SNP suffer sustained flicking from increasingly soiled Tory sheets

Washing dirty linen in public. The SNP have said they dont give a sheet.

By Durty Lynen

HOME SECRETARY Cruella Dis May has warned that Scottish Independence will lead to a mass  influx of foreign terrorist drug dealing blankets.

She drew attention to the dangers of Independence within the Greater Deutchland Euro Union, which allows free movement of goods including blankets.

Her comments came in an impassioned speech to the ‘Pet Jock’ Tory Conference in Troon.

She said the Union has always provided blankets for ALL of its citiizens and that, to her knowledge, none of them had ever been involved in a terrorist or drug dealing act.

The home secretary questioned Sun King, Alex of Salmond’s, anti-domestic blanket policy, saying he must spell out which blanket powers he would be handing to the Greater Deutchland European Union.

She told the conference: “It completely defeats the SNP argument that Scotland could provide better blankets with more control over its affairs when they can’t even provide standard blankets in their own hospitals.

“People want to know – and they have a right to know – what type of blankets will be available .”

She drew attention to the danger of joining Deutchland’s Sheeting area which allows the free movement of blankets within a number of Deutchland Eurozone countries.

The Sheeting Agreement, named after the Luxembourg Hospital where it was signed, abolished internal blanket borders, enabling free movement between 25 European countries.

The deal is now under review following surges of Somalian pirate, Pakistani drug dealing and Tartan terror blankets seamlessly integrating into Sheeting areas throughout the Deutch Euro Zone .

Wee Naebudy, official spokesperson for the SNP refuted Cruella’s claims. He said:  “Unionist policy is like an electric blanket with someone else in control of the switch.

“It is SNP policy that one good turn gets most of the blanket. We need border controls like Cruella Dis May needs 101 dalmations.”

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