UK Chancellor, George ‘Bullingdon Oik’ Firstborne, announces that due to austerity cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel for underclass types and the whinging Scots will be turned off until further notice.
By Cannya Ford Athing
POOR PEOPLE and the Scots are to get what they deserve in this week’s budget so that rich South Eastern people can go on donating to Tory coffers it was revealed yesterday.
The St Paul’s educated, Oiky-Fag, George Firstborne, stated that there wasn’t enough despair in the country or Scotland, and that his new budget will see things move from bad to even worse seamlessly, efficiently and with a minimum of fuss.
Paying more than just lip service to his core electorate, he said: “Following my budget, we expect underclass and Scottish despair to increase by around 5% – 7% over the coming year.
“We fully intend to claw back every penny we can through tax credit cuts and minimum wage freezes in order to subsidise our core, hard pressed, 50p tax rate voters.
“This will be a fair and considered budget for all those earning over £150,000.”
Vigorous opposition to the announcement from the usual suspects is expected to be systematically and routinely ignored as usual.
Professional whinging Scot and occasional politician, John Whinney, predicted that everyone outside of the rich South East is ‘doomed’.
Paying tribute to the Chancellor, the Scottish Financial Sex Bomb said: “This is a fantastic recruitment opportunity for my party and we thank the Chancellor wholeheartedly for his considered support of our cause.”
Droves of formerly anti-Scottish, spineless, dithering Scots are expected to join the SNP, after Wednesday’s budget, out of pure desperation and economic desolation.
Official spokesperson for the Scottish Nationalists, Wee Naebudy, said: “You couldnae make it up!
“This public schoolboy oik is gonnae dae mare fir the Independence case than The Sun King, Alex of Salmond, ever could. Cheers George!”