Less than 95% of teachers are too stupid to teach says Rust-ell

Teachers feel bisected by Gauleiter’s acute angle

By Wurkit Oot

MIKE Bernhard Rust-ell, the Gauleiter of Science, Education and National Culture has accused teachers of being ‘too wee, too poor and too stupid’ to teach  his brave new Indoctrination of Pure Excellence in Scotland.

His attack follows the results of a survey by the Eejit Institute of Screechers (EIS) which concluded that fewer than 5% of 27% of approximately 10,000 secondary teachers could formulate a linear relation to what this new form of Newspeak was supposed to be about.

Progressively linear tangential conclusions

It's innocence when they charm me, ignorance when they don't said Gauleiter Rust-el about the teachers.

The Big Bloodyrude Cooncil said that only a greater than small proportion – which they were presently still working out – of teachers actually took part in the survey.

But the EIS counterclaimed the counterclaim, claiming that the results were in inverse proportion to the ratio of the fraction of median teachers diametrically opposed to the tangential coordination of the Indoctrination.

Spokestheorem for the EIS, Euclidean Circumference, said: “The Indoctrination of Pure Excellence is not approaching the problem from the right angle. It has fractioned our ability to teach and that is always a bad Sin.

“Mr Rust-ell has quite plainly added one and one and come up with two. Two fingers to the teachers, that is.”

Mr Circumference also questioned the Gauleiter’s ability to calculate the ‘too wee, too poor and too stupid’, theorem.

When asked to clarify the matter by AhDinnaeKen, Gauleiter Rust-ell said: “That’s too easy for homework.

“I earn more than your average teacher, I am bigger than your average teacher and I know more about the Indoctrination than your average teacher.

“Therefore it is logical to conclude that they are too wee, too poor and too stupid to teach the Indoctrination. Or am I living in a parallelogram world?”

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Filed under Culture, New Bills, Newspeak

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