Smoking ban responsible for increase in SNP votes

Unionists call for reintroduction of smoking into schools, pubs, nurseries and workplaces

By Geeza Fag

SINCE Scotchland introduced a ban on smoking in public places in 2006 there has been a 13% increase in the country’s SNP vote, say researchers.

They say that this is a smoke-free consequence which can be counted amongst others, such as reductions in LibBent parliamentarians and whinging Labourer MSPs.

Tobacco smoke has been linked to solid election performance and consensual politics for the Unionistas.

Fitness Analytics Guild analysed smoking and political support rates for all expectant voters in Scotchland before and after the ban.

It included data for more than 2.9 millions voters spanning a period of about 8 years.

First they came for the cigarettes, but I was not a cigarette and so I said nothing...

Phenomenal Swing

Scotchland was the first country in the Big Bad United Kingdom to ban smoking in public places.

After the legislation was introduced, fewer voters-to-be smoked – 33% compared with 46% before.

At the same time there was a significant surge in the number of voters actually voting for the SNP and granting their consent to be governed by them.

The investigators believe both are linked to the smoking ban even though these voting rates started to go up some months before the ban was introduced.

Wee Jack, a previous Firstminster, responsible for the introduction of the smoking ban in 2006 is now deeply regretting the move.

He said: “Ah cannae believe that something so well intentioned could come back and bite me in the bum like this. Ah guess this is whit the CIA caw ‘Blowback’.”

Shadow Health spokesperson, Jakey Belly, claimed that the harmful effects on politicians of non-smoking and passive non-smoking were too great and called for smoking in public places to be reintroduced immediately.

She said: “Non-smoking has already been responsible for the deaths of several of my Big Cooncil colleagues including Giggity Gray, Annabel TheHeidi and Ravish Schott. It’s a real concern, now that we’re faced with the prospect of the Abolition of Slavery referendum in 2014.”

Official SNP spokesperson, Wee Naebudy, wasn’t available for comment as he’d nipped oot for a fag in the bike sheds at the back of the Big Cooncil building.

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1 Comment

Filed under Culture, Environment

One response to “Smoking ban responsible for increase in SNP votes

  1. I really like your writing style, fantastic info , thanks for putting up : D.

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