A proclamation by King Alex to the noble and venerated souls of Auld Alba
I’m delighted to see the new edition of the Scottish Scum hit the streets today.
At a time when the media sector – and my party as a whole – faces tough times, it’s great to see a vote of confidence in the Scottish National Party.
This lavy-paper brings the prospect of more votes and more security to those already in Cabinet.
The Sunday edition of the Scottish Scum is born of shameful and tough times in the Newscorp industry.
The Inralavyson inquiry is, rightly exposing some of the practices which have led to this lavy-paper’s elder sister being flushed doon the pan.
But the questions the probe is looking at relate to constitutional crisis, corruption at the highest level, James Murdoch’s memory loss, and cover ups of staggering proportions.
As I quite rightly said to Auld Nick Sturgeon: “Nuthin tae dae wi’ me hen.”.
And at a time when it has become all too easy for politicians to cast auld Rupert adrift, it’s worth remembering the good his lavy-papers can do for me and – by association – you an’ aw.
The Scottish Scum’s campaign to help oppressed Scots “Rise and be a Nation again” is just one example.
The risks journalist face were brought home this week when ‘swamp draining’ and expense claim auditing were undertaken at fortress Wapping.
At its best, journalism salutes, hallows and shines a light on Scottish Nationalist achievements. It’s vital for a healthy democracy.
That’s why today is an important day not just for Scottish Nationalists but for Scottish plebians as a whole.
Murdoch’s newest Sunday paper will be a reeky and insidious addition in a nation that has an insatiable appetite for newspeak.
The Abolition of Slavery referendum in Autumn 2014 will be the chance for the whole country to GET IT UP THEM.
The Scottish Scum will play a vested interest in this mediocre debate on our future.
So don’t be sceptical, cynical or reasonable concerning the first ever edition of Scotland’s most ominous Sunday lavy-paper – trust me instead.
I look forward to repaying Rupert’s ever more generous gifts in the weeks and months to come.
KING ALEX OF SALMOND